My son is ugly. How to help?
I worry about my 6 year old boy. He keeps telling me he is not handsome. I try to make him understand the opposite but I do not know the words to reassure him. Myself, I have a big problem of trust in me, of accepting what I am, I do not find myself beautiful at all ... I do not want him to shut up in what I feel and I would like to help him so that he does not end up like his mother. I doubt that I should already accept myself to have a good example in front of me, but despite psychotherapy, I still do not trust myself. How can I help him? (Supernova, 30 years old)
Your concern about your son seems important, but you seem to feel responsible for not being handsome, just as you feel. However, it is not your guilt that will solve his problem, let alone yours!
Concerning your son, it is not a question of rejecting his thought. It is therefore useless to tell him that he is wrong. It is important to give him the space he needs to express himself. So you can try to reformulate his thought, and try to understand where this idea comes from. For example, you can say, "Oh, you do not feel pretty, tell me why, where does this idea come from?" Thus, he will feel listened to and will have the opportunity to develop his thought.
For you , you may know that there are several methods of psychotherapy, and you may not have followed the one that best fits your need, namely, a self-assertion psychotherapy.
Note that while your son's problem persists, some behavioral methods apply to children as well.
Mireille Nasr is a neuro-psychologist and psychotherapist. She practices at the Pluralis Center in Paris.