"I love my wife but I find pleasure with men"

Antoine, 40 years old, took a long time to assume his bisexuality and to define himself as "a man who loves women and who finds pleasure with men". He tells us, from the marital crisis to the entry into analysis, how he managed to reconcile these two desires and to flourish.

Stéphanie Torre

"I have been married to a woman since 2009 and I have two young children. I had questions about my bisexuality just before my marriage. I wanted to take action to better understand this attraction for men that took more and more space in my head.This experience was revealing an aspect of my personality that I was trying to ignore and which I I took a liking, but I did not tell anyone, especially not my wife, was I too cowardly, was I too scared or not trust enough I do not know.

My wife ended up She discovered everything via a rather explicit email on my cell phone. We then went through an unprecedented crisis, but she stayed because she told me to love me ... Even if she did not accept who I At his request, I then consulted a therapist to "put an end to this disease", as she said. I did not completely deny my bisexuality, and I fell into a form of depression with haunting questions that could not be answered. Unhappy, I ended up wandering on the web where I met a man who lived the same as me. Our exchanges allowed me to understand that I could not eternally repress the one I was: no one can ignore one part of his personality. At that time, I was "abstinent" for 11 months, and I knew it could not last. I decided to consult a psychoanalyst.

Thanks to the analysis, I was able to put words on my emotions, and to understand the one that I am: a man who likes women and finds pleasure with men ... Without repressing a homosexuality the tent. For a while, I started having more or less regular sexual adventures. Then, I met a gay for whom I felt a love feeling. Recently, I have a relationship with a bisexual man, married too, and I finally feel like I have found a balance. My wife, I love her sincerely and I do not envision my life without her. The problem is that she does not really know who I am. I sometimes feel guilty about it, but sometimes not, because that's how I feel best. Above all, I think that being in my head and in my sneakers has a happy impact on my life as a couple and family.


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