think more to my own sexual pleasure?

think more to my own sexual pleasure?

When I make love, I usually only think about the pleasure of my partner. In recent months, I have a friend with whom I have a serious relationship and he blames me for thinking only of his pleasure and not thinking enough about mine. He feels like I do not take pleasure in making love to him. But knowing that he takes pleasure is enough for me. His remark has therefore resulted in me a blockage, and I try to think of myself. However, I think too much during the act and I can not have orgasm. (Isa, 23 years old)

Catherine Solano

Physician sexologist and andrologist


If, when you make love, you used to think only of the pleasure of your partner you are depriving yourself of 50% of the joys of sexuality. Because, if the altruistic pleasure of giving is important, it is also important to know how to enjoy the pleasure of receiving. And, for a man, to give pleasure to the one he loves is very important. By not taking care of your pleasure, you deprive him of a great joy.

And all the more so since making love should never consist solely of giving or receiving, but always to exchange, even if it is not necessarily exactly at the same time. So, it's a chance for you to have met a man who helps you expand your love and sexual field! It is natural that you do not arrive immediately, with a magic wand, to enjoy a pleasure that you held at a distance. Your body and mind are not used to letting the pleasure come. They must learn, if possible of course without making an obligation!

Start enjoying pleasure without necessarily trying to reach orgasm. Because it comes most often when you do not expect it. Also learn to savor all the other pleasures of the body apart from love. Because, your functioning as you describe it to me suggests to me that, maybe these physical pleasures are a little foreign to you.

It is by rehabilitating your body to all the pleasures (eating, taking a scented bath, playing sports, etc ...) that you will go more and more easily, naturally and spontaneously to shared sexual pleasure.


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