Loneliness eats me

I suffer enormously from loneliness . Disabled since the age of 24 months, I wear prosthetic legs and I walk pretty well so that it is barely noticeable. I live well with this handicap despite everything, even if he eats my life. I have friends to rely on, my family, a faithful best friend but that does not stop me from feeling alone all the time. I feel unhappy while I have a job that I like, even if at the moment I am sick because of my legs. My companion often comes to see me. I appreciate it a lot and we will soon get married. Yet I feel lonely. I live in winter as a nightmare and I feel like I'm out of loneliness. Why? I've no idea. Some days, I support it but others, it seems too difficult, and I have desires for suicide.

Yet, little, I really appreciated it, I was looking for it. Now, that is no longer the case. I constantly need to have someone by my side. I do not want to end my life with this suffering deep inside me. What should I do? Sleeping is not enough, the cigarette either, I would also like to stop. But I do not feel the strength of anything. I do not know what I expect from life. I have a huge lack in the bottom of me that I can not fill. I find myself null, while my relatives find me friendly and full of qualities. But I do not like it. I have the feeling of living a life that is not mine. What can I do to get myself out of this void?

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