A love story can quickly tip over and hurt terribly, as Marion * explains in her story. A few weeks ago, this young woman was making the perfect love with her boyfriend. But everything changed in one day and she had not seen anything coming.
Suddenly, his boyfriend announced his intention to break because he was no longer happy and especially he no longer accepted his character very hard or even authoritarian. The fits of jealousy and the bans were right for their couple.
But now, Marion explains "I do not recognize my ex because he became mean and pretended that our two years did not mean anything, my ex ignores me and I can not anymore." There are logical explanations for this and I let you read both his story and my explanations on how to do it. If you feel concerned or are in the same situation, do not hesitate to apply the advice that I give just below.
I do not recognize my ex boyfriend, he has totally changed!
My name is Marion*. It's been 2 weeks since my ex left mehe decided to break up after two years of relationship. We are 22 and 23 years old and we started to have some projects together but without much rush. Our relationship was remote (300 km) but we tried a maximum to see each other as soon as we could. We had a very fusional relationship, as we said we were both a couple but also best friends.
But I realize now that since he left me it was actually a few months that I could not bear the distance and to be separated from him and I always had very little confidence in me so in repercussion I had little confidence in him. But subconsciously I know that there was a kind of trust between him and me ... And I admit I was odious with him, he constantly came back to me and I left live for a nothing and he suffered.
We never made the decision to talk about it face to face, to put everything flat. Often what we did was move on to something else. And I think it would have taken more dialogue between us. But in parallel when we were together everything was going very well ...
The proof a month ago we were on vacation together and everything went very well, then back to reality everyone at home I clearly farted the lead and at the end of it he cracked and left me without to explain to me I admit it I did not have attitudes and words that we must have to his boyfriend but of course I realize it with hindsight. I have a strong character and I am impulsive, I can not keep anything in me it must fart and he knew me, he knew that shaking me a blow could make me open my eyes. He said to me "I love you, I want to come back to you but I tell myself that you will never change" or even "if we really love each other we'll meet again" or to conclude "maybe that in a month I will realize that I did a stupid thing to leave you ".
And of course I did not have the right reactions I cried, I begged him to give me a chance to change or at least to talk about it I even proposed to see him but nothing he wants nothing hear from me, he is totally focused and has even become mean to say that he was no longer happy with me that he was not going to force himself to be with me, that the feelings were going down. But I found it very contradictory because 3 weeks before we were with family together and it's not the kind to pretend and bring someone back to his family if it's not right.
I have friends who got involved (I know a bad idea) and he told them that for him it was definitive and in the meantime he comes back to me to say "that even if we are more together he will always be there for me. " My parents wrote him a neutral message to try to help him because he felt he was lost and knew him a little because he often came under their roof and he replied "he was unhappy but he did not" could not be with me anymore and unconsciously I deprived him of going out because he forbade himself to go out so as not to be baited "then once they tried to clear up his ideas he fled and did not respond.
And since I'm doing a SR but since everything is against me we had to talk again because I got hacked a social network and he received a lot of things so he really shouted at me and did not believe me for the hacking I had to send him the hacking confirmation email to show my good faith.
And no response from him and since he removed me from all social networks and also blocked but I did not note I told him nothing I made a new SR since Thursday night. But in the background I am at the worst more days pass over I am lost and see him act like that hurt me so it is unrecognizable it does not look like it I have trouble understanding.
I tell myself that two years we can not forget them like that but seeing him act I doubt a little. I do not recognize my ex. Really it's day and night he totally changed. Of course he just deleted me and blocked me and by searching I saw that he changed his profile picture and added girls from his school. And I'm terribly bad I think only of him, I try to make my life without him but I miss someone, we pushed each other upwards and there I can not go anymore I do not care anymore.
I hope to get back with him, to find him, to see him come back to me but the more I see him doing and the more I may be wearing my face, but I know that I would always be disappointed because I have a feeling of 'unfinished. I did not have any explanations. I did not have any warning signs and not even a chance to prove to him my change. But I know that if we have to meet again, there must be a discussion and attitudes will change for me as much as for him!
I try to change my mind after the breakup, to see my friends, going to class, but nothing changes, I only have him in mind. And seeing him live perfectly without me (apparently) destroys me I do not recognize him anymore and I do not know what to do I'm totally lost and destroyed and I'm sure of one thing these are my feelings I have never been so sincere in my love for someone and I think that on his side as he told me the feelings are there because they can not leave overnight.
So if someone can advise me or help me to clear the ideas I am taking because there I am completely cracking psychologically. I have read all the articles on the site, I try to follow the instructions and advice that you give but I would like an outside opinion to clarify my ideas. See if I go in the wall or even make me movies on a possible return. And also a handwritten letter I'm afraid that for the type of person who is my ex he feels that like entering into his intimacy.
Thank you in advance !
Become a stranger to her ex, assume to change things!
There are many elements in your story and I understand your discomfort because the suddenness of the breakup was a huge shock for you. It's not easy to say to yourself " I do not recognize my ex "because when he was with you, he was wonderful whereas now it is necessary as if you did not exist and even worse as if you had never existed ...
In fact the reason is twofold, he is angry at him for your attitude but paradoxically, he also fears falling back into your nets because he must still have feelings. But when he does the balance, he realizes that he has been deprived of "freedom" in his choices because you forbid him many things otherwise it ended in crisis and that's what scares him now that everything goes exactly as before. That's why you say to yourself my ex ignores me.
You explain that you lack confidence and yet you have a strong character, it is rather antinomic and I think that you try too much to control the things or the people on which you are able to exercise a grip. And that's what happened but he ended up cracking. Now he sees you with a negative eye and the goal is to turn the situation around. So you will have to do a lot of work on you and totally change the way you work. He must realize for himself your change. It can take time and if you really want to win it back you must be aware that the reconquest can take weeks or even months. It is imperative that his anger fades. Involving friends and family was not at all a good idea because it only reinforced his decision and suddenly there was a total blockage.
You're lost right now and if I understood correctly, you're asking for advice so you know what to do. If you have to persevere and therefore continue the reconquest or rather start it because in my opinion there have been only errors so far or so let it go and forget it because there is no more luck.
And here I am going to answer you that this decision belongs to you and that only one thing counts: you must not have regrets in 3 months, 1 year or 5 years. In addition, you explain that he is constantly in your thoughts. So you will have to do another work in addition to the first, it will be a crucial step, that of reconstruction.
To know if a reconquest is possible, I think that until you have implemented a clear and respected strategy it will be impossible for you to react! On the other hand if you act correctly then you will have chances so that it changes of attitude.
Now he is very angry and actually the saddest of them is him! Not only because he considers that he has suffered but also because it is he who now has the wrong role that in his eyes the break is only the consequence of your attitudes. I explain this wonderfully in my book 70 tips to recover his man or his wife, that I suggest you to read.
So you must accept his current attitude on the one hand to show him that you change but also to prove to him that you are aware that what has happened is largely your fault. He does not feel sorry for himself, but reassures him about that. To caricature, it's not him the bad guy and you nice or vice versa.There have been events that have led to the break-up but the important thing now is to make a clean sweep of the past. The fact of become an unknown to his ex is far from easy to accept but you do not have to focus on that aspect or even tell you that he's dating other girls or adding some on FB or you'll just chew and it will not nothing good.
We must take note of his attitude and show him that everything can change. In the idea, you must perform classic actions according to a specific scheme established in the e-book mentioned above. After the SR it will actually take a letter but be careful, according to the model that I advocate, and which is also in the book (decently it's a small wonder!). The goal is not to win back in writing, but to reconnect because now everything is cut if I understood. The distance is not going to make things easier but for now it has not been a problem so you do not have to focus on this parameter. You have to prove to him that happiness at your side is still possible and that is what should be the main thread of your reconquest.
The coach for find his ex
* To preserve the anonymity of the person who wrote the testimony, the first name was changed.